Insanity April 17, 2007
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VIRGINIA TECH MASSACRE SHAKES AMERICA TO ITS CORE
FITSNews – April 17, 2007 – Thirty-three people are dead after at least one gunman went berserk on the campus of Virginia Tech University in Blacksburg. Details are sketchy, but initial reports indicate that a domestic dispute between a male Asian student and his girlfriend turned into a double homicide, which then mushroomed into a Columbine-style killing rampage at another location across campus. Not surprisingly, the worst modern massacre in American history has literally consumed the mainstream media, reviving longstanding debates over guns and violence and bringing the 2008 presidential campaign to a standstill.
“The news is just another show with sex and violence,” Perry Farrell once sang, “Nothing’s shocking.”
This one shocked, though, shaking America and its political process down to its very foundations. Starting with former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, all of the major presidential candidates announced a suspension of their campaign activities, including Sen. John McCain, who cancelled a town hall meeting which was scheduled for later today in Lexington, S.C. Stay tuned to FITSNews for a more detailed analysis of this tragedy, coming later today …
White House Loses Five Million E-mails April 16, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in Satire, US Politics.2 comments
AT LEAST THEY’VE FOUND A HOTTIE TO TELL US ABOUT IT, THOUGH
FITSNews – April 16, 2007 – It’s always an encouraging sign when your government tells you it lost five million e-mails. Encouraging, that is, if stupidity and duplicity are two things you enjoy purchasing with your tax dollars. Anyway the White House, already under fire for letting senior staffers use political e-mail addresses to conduct government business, is now saying it may have lost five million e-mails from government addresses as well.
“I wouldn’t rule out that there were a potential five million e-mails lost,” White House spokeswoman Dana Perino told reporters Friday.
Presumably, the vast majority of these e-mails consisted of senior White House advisor Karl Rove requesting a new jelly donut every five minutes, but there’s also a chance that some sensitive information was included. Like when new spokesbabe Perino (pictured above) sent an e-mail to Sic Willie following his March visit to the nation’s capital, telling him she was “glad what happened happened,” and that she “hadn’t felt this weak in the knees since high school.”
Bravo, Jackie April 15, 2007
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ROBINSON ANNIVERSARY REMINDS US WHAT REAL HEROISM IS ALL ABOUT
FITSNews – April 15, 2007 – In a world full of overblown political correctness and manufactured hate, it’s easy to forget the legacies of true racial pioneers – of black men and women who survived authentic prejudice and genuine harrassment to knock down the walls that unfairly held them back.
Sixty years ago, Georgia native Jackie Robinson broke Major League Baseball’s color barrier, an event commemorated at ballparks all across America today. Over 200 major leaguers – including the entire rosters of six teams – donned Robinson’s #42 jersey number in tribute to the legacy of a man who helped rewrite America’s definitions of courage, grace, honor and achievement.
When he was first called up to play for the Dodgers, several of Robinson’s white teammates threatened to quit rather than play with him. A week after his famous April 15, 1947 debut, he was openly called “nigger” and told to “go back to the cotton fields” by Philadelphia Phillies’ players. Robinson received death threats from racists, hard slides from his opponents, unfriendly glares from many of his own teammates and countless taunts and jeers from angry fans. Amazingly, he handled all of it with a quiet, unassuming dignity – never once lashing out at his detractors. (more…)
Katie The Cougar (& The Crusty Queen) April 15, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in Pop Culture.1 comment so far
COURIC’S NEW BEAU, ROYAL SPLIT DOMINATING CELEB GOSSIP
FITSNews – April 15, 2007 – If you’re not familiar with the term “Cougar,” don’t worry – neither were we. Apparently, “Cougar” refers to older women who hook up with younger men, like CBS News anchor Katie Couric. According to the NY Post, she’s dating a guy 17 years younger than she is:
Katie Couric’s dishy new boy toy is a good-looking, physically fit, almost 33-year-old East Sider with a posh pedigree. Brooks Perlin – son of financier Sanford Perlin of Darien, Conn. – has been running around with the perky anchorwoman-turned-cougar for several months, according to a source.
Good for Katie. And more power to her. Age ain’t nothing but a number, people. At least that’s what Sic Willie was preaching as he poached “cougars” all week down at the Heritage golf tournament on Hilton Head Island. Of course seeing as the only part of “good looking, physically fit almost 33-year old East Sider with posh pedigree” that matches Sic Willie’s description is the “almost 33-year old” thing, the poaching didn’t go so well (rumor has it he even got denied digits). (more…)
We Goin’ Ridin’ On The Cuzway … April 15, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in Good Stuff.add a comment
… OF LOVE IN A PINK CADILLAC
FITSNews – April 15, 2007 – With a main span of 1,546 feet, it is the longest cable stay bridge in the Western Hemisphere. Its twin diamond-shaped towers climb 575-feet above the water – dominating the skyline of the Holy City it serves. It also remains one of the only government projects ever finished ahead of schedule and under budget.
Named for its indominatable champion, former U.S. Rep. and State Senator Arthur J. “Cousin” Ravenel, Jr., it is commonly called the “Ravenel Bridge” or the “Cooper River Bridge.”
We FITS’ gals prefer to call it the “Cuzway,” and we were pleased to take our pink Cadillac for a little joyride across it this morning while grooving out to some Aretha Franklin. And yes, that is just how we roll …
Confederate States Of Rudy? April 14, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.5 comments
HIZZONER HOPSKOTCHING AROUND CONFEDERATE FLAG ISSUE?
FITSNews – April 14, 2007 – Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani says the people of Alabama should decide whether or not to fly the Confederate Flag outside their state capital building. And while trusting Alabamians with anything beyond their TV dinner preference is the definition of insanity in our book, that’s surprisingly not what Hizzoner is catching hell for. Turns out he previously encouraged South Carolinians to remove the Confederate Flag from their State House dome, even singling out former Gov. David Beasley’s efforts on that front as “courageous.” From the National Hotline’s article:
The strain of consistency here is that Giuliani said the decision was best left to each states. But in the case of South Carolina, before he had conservatives to court, he was comfortable expressing his opinion … What changed?
Uhh … “what changed?” Are you serious? What changed? That’s like one of those rhetorical “who’s under the blanket” questions mothers ask their babies during Peek-A-Boo games. It’s mommy, little baby. Mommy is under the blanket. (more…)
We’re Paying For A Friggin’ Green Bean Museum? April 13, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.8 comments
SENATE FINANCE BUDGET ADDS VEGETABLES TO THE USUAL PORK
FITSNews – April 13, 2007 – You know, when we were making up our list of the most critical funding needs facing the State of South Carolina right now we gotta be honest, a friggin’ national green bean museum wasn’t even in the top like, gazillion. Of course, that didn’t stop the South Carolina Senate from spending $950,000 of your tax dollars on this vegetable-based pork. According to the good folks at Discover South Carolina, the bean museum:
“Offers exhibits and displays depicting early farm life in the Pee Dee area. The site includes a syrup mill, a pole tobacco barn and a barnyard setting with animals.”
Wow. A barnyard setting with animals. How rustic. And what better way to put our state on the global economic development map than doling out political pork for a piggie petting zoo in Lake City, S.C.
Seriously, Senate Finance Committee Chairman Hugh Leatherman could have spent $950,000 on a museum honoring his own ass and it would probably end up generating more revenue for our state than this thing. Heck, nobody likes ordering green beans, let alone pulling off the damn Interstate to visit a museum honoring them. Of course, the Senate Finance Committee budget also included $3.9 million for a “Florence museum,” so the whole Leatherman honoring his own ass thing actually wasn’t too far from the truth.
Our News Team Has The Latest Scoop April 12, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.6 comments
DON’T TRY AND MESS THEM AROUND, NIETHER
FITSNews – April 12, 2007 – You know, just because Sic Willie and the FITS gals are spending the week skinny dipping in the Harbour Town marina doesn’t mean we’re not simultaneously keeping tabs on the latest political gossip coming out of Importantville, S.C.
It’s called multi-flasking … er tasking, but just to make sure nothing slips through the cracks, Dora, Michelle and Elmo (pictured above) are capably representing our Columbia bureau this week. And Dora is an explorer, people. Which means she discovers stuff.
Anyway, here’s a couple of S.C. political nuggets our Columbia team has unearthed while we’ve been gone … (more…)
John Edwards Has “Look At Me” Syndrome April 11, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in Uncategorized.2 comments
WORKING A NURSING HOME SHIFT? PLEASE
FITSNews – April 11, 2007 – So John Edwards woke up early yesterday morning to go work at a nursing home . How friggin’ sweet. Here’s a bit from the extensive coverage of his latest publicity stunt:
Democrat John Edwards got a taste of low-wage life Wednesday, rising before dawn to help to dress, shave and deliver breakfast to elderly residents of a nursing home outside New York City.
Aside from the fact that John Edwards should be home rising before dawn to help dress, shave and deliver breakfast to his cancer-striken wife, can this guy get any gayer? Seriously, if he was a lyric in a Liberace song sung by Elton John at a Richard Simmons tribute dinner, he probably wouldn’t be any gayer than he is right now.
UPDATE – In unrelated news, the Verizon coverage in the greater Harbour Town area is completely worthless. Which is kind of ironic seeing as we’re at the Verizon Heritage Classic. In fact, if we see the “Can You Hear Me Now?” guy, there’s a good chance he could end up with a Treo 700w up his yin-yang.
Did Imus Say Something? April 11, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in Pop Culture, The Press.1 comment so far
NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM WATCHING WOMEN’S BASKETBALL
FITSNews – April 11, 2007 – You know between monitoring the status of porn star Jenna Jameson’s dramatic weight loss and “clearing the mechanism” for this morning’s Verizon Heritage Pro-Am Golf Tournament, we’ve been a little busy the last couple of days. Accordingly, we haven’t really been following whatever the hell it is that Don Imus said that seems to have landed him in so much trouble.
Apparently it had something to do with a women’s basketball team being a bunch of “nappy-headed hoes” or something like that. And now he’s losing all his advertisers and everyone, well, hates him.
We’ve never liked Imus, to be honest. Listening to him in the morning is a lot like spilling coffee on your shirt. He’s bitter, brooding and frankly, an asshole. Of course he’s done a lot of good work for children and American soldiers and let’s be honest – he didn’t say anything that black rappers don’t say EVERY day. Imus’ real problem is that he was paying any attention whatsoever to women’s basketball. No good ever comes from that, people. In fact we were at a good time once, and a women’s basketball game broke out.
FITSNews For Now 
