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Tom Brady Has A Potty Mouth December 10, 2007

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PRETTY BOY QUARTERBACK DOESN’T WANT HIS MOMMA TO READ ALL ABOUT IT

FITSNews – December 10, 2007 – It must be nice to cuss like a sailor on the football field and then show up like the “Fonz” in a black leather jacket for the post-game press conference, acting all sheepish and cute, talking about how you don’t want mommy to know you use bad words. But that’s exactly the kind of #$%ing $%# that mother#%&er Tom Brady pull. In fact, he did pull it yesterday in declining to discuss exactly what he said to Pittsburgh Steelers’ defensive back Anthony Smith, who royally pissed off Sir Studliness by guaranteeing that the Steelers would beat the 13-0 Patriots.

From this morning’s Boston Herald:

“I don’t care to repeat it, especially if my mother reads it,” said Brady in response to a question about his exact words to Smith. “She wouldn’t be very happy with what I said.”

Awwww … that’s so #%&ing cute, Tom. Of course Brady’s doe-eyed “who, me?” routine was far classier than that of his head coach Bill Beli”cheat,” who further rubbed Smith’s nose in it after the Patriots 34-13 win by saying that “we’ve played against a lot better safeties than him.”

Sure this Smith guy deserves it for being an idiot, but the Patsies would’ve done themselves a favor by simply allowing their total domination of the Steelers on Sunday to speak for itself.

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Lassoed December 9, 2007

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COLTS INVOKE MERCY RULE IN VICTORY OVER BALTIMORE

FITSNews – December 9, 2007 – After amassing a 44-7 lead early in the third quarter, the Indianapolis Colts rested starters like Peyton Manning and Joseph Addai for the last twenty minutes of their 44-20 thumping of the Baltimore Ravens last night.

NBC’s showcase Sunday night game was billed as competitive contest, but Manning and the Colts’ dominance made it anything but, leaving announcers Al Michaels and John Madden to contemplate Madden’s disdain for shellfish, among other banalities. Of course despite its lack of “viewer benefit,” the win clinched a sixth-consecutive playoff berth for Indianapolis (11-2) and featured the 300th touchdown pass of Manning’s illustrious career, tying him for fourth on the all-time NFL list.

The drubbing also ended on a high note for the 4-9 Ravens, as last year’s Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith made his NFL debut, completing 3 of 5 passes for 33 yards and running for a six-yard touchdown on Baltimore’s final drive of the game.

This kid’s gonna be good, people.

Heisman Hoopla December 7, 2007

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OUR VOTE IS FOR TIM TEBOW, PEOPLE

FITSNews – December 7, 2007 – You can imagine our surprise when the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City called this morning and told us that we were solely responsible for selecting the winner of this year’s Heisman Trophy award, college football’s most coveted individual honor. Frankly, we’re pretty humbled by this responsiblity, but then again we’re also pretty humbled every time we’re in the Hardee’s drive-thru and are asked to choose between curly, hand-cut or regular french fries.

Anyway, with all due respect to Arkansas running back Darren McFadden, we’re giving the award to Florida’s Tim Tebow.

We’ve also unilaterally decided that from here on out, the Heisman Trophy will be molded in the image of former Michigan star Desmond Howard (above), who struck his famous pose back in 1991 en route to capturing the award. Which will make Michigan fans very happy.

Of course we’ve also decided to strip Michigan’s Charles Woodson of his 1997 Heisman and give it to Peyton Manning, who deserved to win it more than any college football player who’s ever played the game. Which will probably make Michigan fans very, very angry.

Chris McAlister Is Our New Hero December 5, 2007

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IF HATIN’ ON THE PATRIOTS IS WRONG, WE DON’T WANNA BE RIGHT

FITSNews – December 5, 2007 – We’ve never had a problem with the Baltimore Ravens. Sure, their fans b*tch and moan from time-to-time about how the Colts bolted the City of Baltimore for “greener pastures” in Indianapolis 23 years ago, but we can understand that. No hard feelings, right? Plus, the Ravens aren’t “replacement players,” they’re consistently competitive and have the most exciting defense in the league. In fact, we were rooting hard for them on Monday night when they came up just a little short of handing the hated New England Patriots their first loss of the season.

Today, several Ravens’ players – including cornerback Chris McAlister – are saying that the Patriots benefited from several questionable calls in Monday night’s game:

“It’s hard to go out there and play the Patriots and the refs at the same time,” McAlister said. “They put the crown on top and they want them to win.”

Specifically, Baltimore had New England stopped on a key fourth down play late in the game but the referees insisted a timeout had been called prior to the play. On another do-or-die fourth down for New England, the Ravens were called for a questionable defensive holding penalty. Adding insult to injury, New England’s game-winning touchdown catch with forty-four seconds left appeared to have been bobbled by wide receiver Jabar Gaffney.

The Patriots have already had one cheating scandal this year, and it wouldn’t surprise us in the least if NFL officials are giving them the benefit of the doubt in the hopes that they can become the NFL’s first undefeated team since the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Tommy Bowden Is Headed To Arkansas? December 4, 2007

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FOOTBALL COACH SET TO LEAVE CLEMSON FOR FAYETTEVILLE

FITSNews – December 4, 2007 – Clemson University head coach Tommy Bowden has been offered a job at the University of Arkansas, ESPN is reporting this morning. Bowden is meeting with Clemson officials today for what appears to be the last time, according to the Greenville (S.C.) News, marking the end of a tumultuous nine-year career in which he boasted a 69-40 record, including eight bowl appearances and a 7-2 record against rival South Carolina.

Bowden, an Alabama native, would become the second Clemson coach in recent years to land a job with the Razorbacks. Former Clemson head coach Danny Ford – who won the Tigers only national title in 1981 – coached at Arkansas from 1993-97.

Bowden is reportedly being offered $2 million a year to replace Houston Nutt at Arkansas, with Clemson offering a two-year extension that would bring his salary to $1.6 million a year.

UPDATE – Remind us to never play poker with Tommy Bowden. It turns out the whole “I’m Going To Arkansas” thing was just a ploy to milk more money out of Clemson. Get it … “milk?” “Clemson?” Anyway, the Greenville (S.C.) News is now reporting that Bowden is staying with the Tigers, having agreed to a pay increase bigger than the $400,000 raise Clemson had initially offered him before he was supposedly all set to go coach the Razorbacks.

Take That, Braguars December 2, 2007

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COCKY JACKSONVILLE LOSES TO INDY … AGAIN

FITSNews – December 2, 2007 – Aside from our obvious hatred of the pretty boy Patriots, no team in the National Football League gets our collective panties in a wad more than the Jacksonville Braguars. Of course unlike the Patriots, who are pretty damn good, the Braguars have no reason to be as arrogant as they always are. Unless finishing second in the AFC South the last four years in a row to the defending Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts is something to be cocky about.

Actually, better make it five years in a row after today’s 28-25 Indianapolis victory over the Brags all but guaranteed a fifth straight division title for the Horsies.

Sure, we’re probably not going to make the Super Bowl again this year given New England’s dominance, but it’s always nice to put these cocky wanna-bes (and their ‘roid rage coach) in their proper place. Which, again, is second place.

It was also nice for Sic Willie to finally collect last Friday afternoon on a lunch owed him from last year’s Super Bowl by an avid Chicago Bears‘ fan. Thanks for the five plates of Orange Chicken and Broccoli, J-Dub! Mmmmm-mmmm scrumptious.

What’s So Hard About This? December 2, 2007

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OTHER THAN THAT GRAPHIC BEING TWO YEARS OLD

FITSNews – December 2, 2007 – So the eight teams pictured above wouldn’t necessarily make a hypothetical college football playoff this year (that graphic is two years old, people), but the fact that we’re once again selecting a national championship game based on human biases and computer logarithms means that eight worthy programs are being denied their right to settle things the only place they should be settled – on the football field.

Georgia, Hawaii, Kansas, Virginia Tech, West Virginia and Oklahoma each can claim as much right to play for the national title this year as championship game participants Ohio State and LSU, but because of the ridiculousness that is the Bowl Championship Series (BCS), all six programs got the cold shoulder. Ditto Missouri, which deserves its shot at a national championship every bit as much as the two teams the computer spit out this evening, yet ended up shut out of the BCS bowl picture entirely.

Call it the Bullsh*t College System, people.

We’ve got no problem with a computer spitting out the top eight teams in the country for a college football playoff, but this year is yet another example of the sheer lunacy of expecting a non-playoff system to ever produce a true national championship game. Usually it’s only one deserving team that gets left out in the cold, but this year there are at least seven of them. Pick the top eight teams and play ’em off. That’s what the players want, what the sport needs and what the fans deserve.

NFL Murder Victim Targeted? November 29, 2007

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FORMER TEAMMATE SAYS SEAN TAYLOR WAS TARGETED

FITSNews – November 29, 2007 – Arizona Cardinals’ cornerback Antrel Rolle (pictured virtually above) is saying that his friend and former college teammate Sean Taylor was targeted. In case you haven’t been following this story, Taylor was shot and killed in his Miami residence Monday under suspicious circumstances. Police are saying it was a burglary gone wrong, but Rolle isn’t buying it. From the AP story:

“This was not the first incident,” Rolle said. “They’ve been targeting him for three years now.”

“They say it was a burglary. It absolutely was not a burglary,” Rolle said. “Down South, where we’re from, there were many people targeting Sean, a lot of jealousy, a lot of angry people.

“Sean, he had a large group of friends, and he no longer hung out with those friends, so you never know where this came from.”

You can read the latest on the police investigation in this report. Sad stuff, people.

Kirk Herbstreit Is Pessimistic November 28, 2007

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ESPN ANALYST “JUST SAYS NO” TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF

FITSNews – November 28, 2007 – Believe it or not, there’s actually something more ass-backward than South Carolina politics. It’s called the college football postseason, which is unique among postseasons in organized sports because it doesn’t actually settle the elemental competitive question of “who’s #1” with actual competition, instead choosing politics and crazy algorithms to produce its national championship game. Monkeys and abacuses, people, monkeys and abacuses.

Of course unlike South Carolina, the status quo backers in the world of big-time college football (including ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit) are actually presiding over a financially successful endeavor as opposed to a bunch of unemployed, illiterate backwoods bumpkins. Which we guess is one reason why they’d rather not change things and institute a college football playoff system, which is favored by nearly 80% of the fans.

Anyway, Herbstreit was on ESPN this morning giving the notion of a CFB playoff the old “never happen,” while at the same time defending the integrity of the current system, which is once again under fire for failing to give the people what they want – and the coaches and players what they deserve. (more…)

Cool Zebra November 27, 2007

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ACC REFEREE HAS A WAY WITH WORDS

FITSNews – November 27, 2007 – Until today, we always saw college football referees as deserving targets of harmful projectiles – particularly if they work for the Atlantic Coast Conference, and particularly if those projectiles included batteries and Molotov cocktails.

All of that changed, however, when we saw THIS VIDEO of ACC referee Ron Cherry calling the first ever “giving him the business” penalty during last weekend’s Maryland-N.C. State football game.

We not sure what “giving him the business” means (or where it is in the NCAA rulebook), but it doesn’t sound like something they let you do on national television.

UPDATE – It appears that the term “giving him the business” comes from the NFL, in particular this 1986 Buffalo Bills-New York Jets game … (special hat-tip to our bud Benjamin Andre for giving us the scoop).