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Take That, Porker July 31, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in US Politics.

ted stevens


FITSNews – July 31, 2007 – If there were ever a politician who embodied everything that’s wrong with the Republican Party, it’s Alaska’s Ted Stevens. The undisputed “King of Pork” in Washington D.C. has steered billions of tax dollars to his native Alaska (which is home to about four people) while simultaneously blocking every attempt to reform the culture of spending abuse in our nation’s capital. Who could forget the hissy fit Stevens threw in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina disaster – when in the face of a national emergency he threatened to resign from the Senate if one dollar of Alaskan pork went to aid in the Gulf Coast recovery effort?

Now we learn that Stevens, who has long been rumored to have used the public trust to pad his personal bank account, has had his home searched by FBI and IRS agents. Not surprisingly, the search is tied to a corruption probe involving a big oil corporation and its high-powered lobbyists, some of whom have already pled guilty to bribing other elected officials (editor’s note: a Democratic wet dream).

As mush as we hate to say it (okay, we really don’t mind saying it), the prospect of Stevens’ downfall is some of the best news we’ve heard all year. He’s the poster boy for the Republican excess that grew our national debt by $3 trillion over the past six years, not to mention the guy who has systematically shut down all efforts to put that colossal expansion of new spending under the public microscope. So while we’re not sure what the FBI and IRS agents found in Stevens’ nightstand, we’re rooting for bunch of incriminating documents that will ultimately force his resignation … and maybe some Astroglide, just for sh*ts and giggles.


Jim Clyburn’s Foot Meets His Mouth July 31, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in US Politics.
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clyburn 2


FITSNews – July 31, 2007 – For the record, we agree with S.C. Congressman Jim Clyburn that America’s involvement in the Iraq War was poorly justified and has been poorly executed by our political and military leadership. Having said that, Clyburn’s statement in this morning’s Washington Post that a potentially positive report on the war from new Army General David Petraeus would represent “a real big problem for us (Democrats)” was one of the all-time stupidest things he’s ever said. And in case your unfamiliar with “Big Jim,” he’s said plenty of stupid things.

This sort of “Blood Machiavellianism” is precisely the kind of political gamesmanship people don’t want to see when it comes to discussing war zones where American men and women are serving in harm’s way. Sure, they may oppose the war, but the last thing they want to hear is a politician essentially hoping that more of our soldiers get blown up (faster) just so they can hold a political coalition together.

Are we saying that we think Clyburn actually wants U.S. troops to die? Of course not. At least we hope not. But statements like the one he made yesterday are politically retarded because they make it easy for some to imagine that American combat deaths are exactly what Clyburn (and by extension the Democratic Majority in Congress) wants to see happen. After all, the last time we checked the opposite of a “good report” was a “bad report.” And in war, a bad report usually means people died.

S.C. Democratic Chairwoman Tries Changing Her Tune On T-Rav July 30, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.

carol fowler


FITSNews – July 30, 2007 – A month after bashing him as a “common street criminal” and a “spoiled rich kid buying his way into office,” South Carolina Democratic Party Chairwoman Carol Fowler all of a sudden wants to take the high road with her public comments about former State Treasurer Thomas Ravenel, who resigned his office last week after being indicted on cocaine charges. In a statement published in the Greenville News over the weekend, Fowler says:

“South Carolina Democrats wish the best for Mr. Ravenel as he goes through the difficult process of rehabilitation.”

Awww, Carol … you shouldn’t have. The irony here is that while Fowler was popping off at the mouth like the decrepit, second-rate political dinosaur she is, former State Treasurer Grady Patterson – Ravenel’s opponent in the 2006 election – took the high road from the very beginning and earned tremendous respect across party lines for doing so. To their credit, Patterson and most Democrats have shown statesmanship throughout the Ravenel fiasco. Fowler on the other hand has consistently shown her ass.

Hillary’s Breasts Raising Her Money? July 30, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.

hillary cleavage


FITSNews – July 30, 2007 – Let’s see if we’ve got all this straight – Hillary Clinton decides to wear a low-cut top on the floor of the U.S. Senate last week, prompting some inside-the-beltway fashion columnist to write about it, which in turn prompted a Clinton aide to send out a plea for campaign donations so Hillary can fight the good fight against the “grossly inappropriate” objectification of her body.

“Frankly, focusing on women’s bodies instead of their ideas is insulting,” the Clinton fundraising letter reads. “It’s insulting to every women who has ever tried to be taken seriously in a business meeting. It’s insulting to our daughters–and our sons–who are constantly pressured by the media to grow up too fast.”

Jeez. We’ve never done a “feel-test” on them or anything, but our guess is that Clinton’s tits are probably pretty normal. And the outfit she wore was hardly revealing, even though to hear Republicans talk about it you’d think she momentarily turned C-SPAN 2 into the Spice Channel. Of course the whole thing is a win-win for Clinton, as millions of women will doubtless be inspired by her Lifetime Channel rhetoric and millions of men will no doubt be giving her rack a good once-over. In both cases, she’ll pick up votes, and on top of that, she’ll probably raise several million dollars and make her husband a little bit jealous in the process.

Come to think of it, our recommendation to Team Hill is to start screen-testing new mini-skirts and polling some additional canned outrage immediately.

Echo Chamber – Educrats Assail African-American Senator July 29, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Uncategorized.

goose step


FITSNews – July 29, 2007 – It didn’t take long for the education establishment to turn on S.C. Sen. Darrell Jackson.

After suggesting last month that a “time was coming” when he would support school choice given the unequivocal failure of South Carolina’s K-12 monopoly to meet the needs of our state’s students, the African-American Senator was publicly harangued this weekend by a leading member of the educrat establishment.

In a letter to The State newspaper on Saturday, Richland School District One Chairwoman Wendy C. Brawley publicly accused Jackson of harboring selfish motivations, being ignorant of African-American history, failing to adequately support public education and conspiring to “eliminate public education.” (more…)

The Wiener And Still Champion July 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Good Stuff.
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FITSNews – July 28, 2007 – After spending most of the day in bed with a fever, Sic Willie emerged yesterday afternoon to put an exclamation point on his victory in the 2007 Atlantic Ocean Bodysurfing Championships, a win which earned him yet another “Kahuna Cup” and further solidified his status the best bodysurfer on the Eastern Seaboard.

In a dizzying display of technical proficiency, graceful athleticism and pure heart, the Sic One conquered the swells for a fifth straight day en route to a weekly record of 212 “shorebusters,” or waves ridden all the way into the shoreline.

“He’s untouchable,” said ESPN anchor Stuart Scott, who covered the weeklong event in Myrtle Beach, S.C. “It’s like watching Jordan, Tiger and Federer all rolled into one. In fact, I don’t think we’ve seen this dominating an individual performance in sports since Secretariat won the Belmont in 1973.”

After blowing away the competition Monday through Thursday, many speculated that Sic Willie would be unable to finish his record-setting performance on Friday due to the onset of a high fever and dizzy spells. Forced out of the morning high tide time trials, his status for the critical afternoon high tide competition was ultimately a wavetime decision. (more…)

Phoenix Press Helicopter Crash Craziness July 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in The Press.

phoenix choppers


FITSNews – July 28, 2007 – The fact that two press helicopters collided in mid-air in the skies over Phoenix today is an unmistakeable tragedy. All four people aboard the two choppers were killed, and it goes without saying that their families, friends and colleagues deserve our sympathy and our prayers right now. Unfortunately, though, Phoenix Police Chief Jack Harris is turning this horrific accident into a classic case of law enforcement overreaching. In discussing the suspect whose police chase precipitated the aerial disaster, Harris said:

“I believe you will want to talk to investigators but I think he will be held responsible for any of the deaths from this tragedy.”

Say what? Look, we’ve got no problem with Chief Harris throwing the book at this guy for whatever crimes he may have committed on the ground, but unless at some point during the pursuit this suspect threw a rock hundreds of feet into the air and caused these two helicopters to swerve into each other, it’s not his fault that they crashed.

MLB Has “Look At Me” Syndrome July 27, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Sports.
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Omar Vizquel


FITSNews – July 27, 2007 – We’ve expressed our disdain for San Francisco Giants’ slugger Barry Bonds on several occasions in the past. We think he’s a cheater, and cheaters’ shouldn’t be allowed to hold records. Of course, Bonds’ pursuit of Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record is still eminently newsworthy, if for no other reason than it affords America an opportunity to conduct a long-overdue examination of its national pasttime through the lens of its most hallowed record.

Of course, to Giants’ shortstop Omar Vizquel (editor’s note: who???), Bonds’ home run chase is taking attention away from where it rightfully belongs – on him. Vizquel, who passed Ozzie Smith last week to move into second place in career games played at shortstop, went off on the lack of media attention surrounding his accomplishment in this morning’s edition of USA Today:

“I don’t think three people in here even know I passed Ozzie,” said Vizquel, who donated his jersey to the Hall of Fame. “And if they do know, they couldn’t care less. There’s only one record anyone around here cares about.”


We Ain’t Gots A Lotta Money Down Heeyur July 26, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.

kudzu house


FITSNews – July 26, 2007 – While state spending in South Carolina lept tall buildings in a single bound last year, the average South Carolinian’s ability to pay for the government explosion didn’t grow anywhere near as quickly. Palmetto State workers saw their paychecks increase by just 0.8% in 2006, compared to a 13% growth in government.

We’re not all that great at math or anything, but we’re pretty sure that sucks.

Of course, when your state’s top two budget writers are busy extolling the virtues of the Soviet economy or funneling tax dollars to sports complexes named after their pappies, what the hell do you expect?

The good news is we have a sh*t-ton of Kudzu down here and as soon as we figure out a way to make money off of it – watch out America!

Back To The Future On State Budget Board July 25, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.

back to the future


FITSNews – July 25, 2007 – Two weeks after a report showed half a billion dollars in missed savings on South Carolina’s Budget & Control Board, the big-spending Marxist-Leninists who created the culture of waste and inefficiency at the nation’s only legislative-executive administrative agency are about to regain their functional majority.

With yesterday’s resignation of State Treasurer Thomas Ravenel, the stars are now aligned for State Rep. Converse Chellis to be elected Treasurer. Sources tell FITSNews that Chellis’ candidacy has been aggressively supported by both State Sen. Hugh Leatherman and House Ways & Means Chairman Dan “Egg-Tooth” Cooper – two of the biggest spenders on the planet – and that he is a lock to receive the nod when the legislature reconvenes to vote on Ravenel’s successor.

One State House observer with ties to the administration of Gov. Mark Sanford called Chellis’ appointment a “bad episode of Back to the Future.” Of course it’s actually much worse than that … (more…)