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Come To Butthead December 11, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.

real obama girl


FITSNews – December 11, 2007 – In what has obviously turned out to be the worst editorial decision in FITSNews‘ brief history (our one year anniversary is this Sunday, people), Sic Willie and the FITS gals foolishly declined an invitation to join our mainstream media colleagues for Sunday’s Oprahbamarama at Columbia’s Williams-Brice Stadium.

Our flawed logic for passing on this event-a-palooza was two-fold. First of all, the memories of South Carolina’s ridiculously sh*tty football season still linger far too intensely within our crestfallen breasteses to even contemplate revisiting the epicenter of our woe. Second of all we’re pretty sure Oprah has six toes … or at least a really big bunyon. Which is frightening.

Anyway, in spite of all that, Sic in particular is kicking himself for missing the event because it turns out his future wife (pictured above) was in attendance, working on Yo-bama‘s campaign staff. And even though our favorite bad boy has no idea what her name is at the moment, it might as well be Mrs. Sic Willie – especially once she experiences his rugged good looks, sparkling wit, selfless humility and legendary emotional availability firsthand.

In fact, rumor has it that when mystery girl’s picture first arrived in the FITSNews mailbox, the clouds above Columbia parted, God granted his blessing on the union by releasing a single white dove from heaven and Paul Bates emerged from Sic Willie’s kitchen to sing “She’s Your Queen To Be.”

UPDATE – Sic has officially decreed that we are to cover every Obama event from here on out and praise whatever comes out of his mouth effusively, if not immodestly. He has also asked his fellow South Carolinians to refrain from letting Miss Mystery know about his considerable wealth and power for the moment, preferring that she fall in love with him as a humble goat herder first.



1. T - December 11, 2007

Uh, Huh? You think this chick is hot?

2. Anne - December 11, 2007

I wanted to go and count all the church buses. But then I would have had to be there for that.

Your future wife looks a lot like the mystery woman who accompanies Hillary everywhere. Do you think she’s two-timing Hillary with Obama, or is she a spy?

Come visit my blog and say impertinent things.

3. Wow - December 11, 2007

Sic, What happened to Kellie Patterson on WLTX?

4. FITSNews - December 11, 2007

Saya whoa what?

5. obama is a muslim looser - December 11, 2007

Obama will go down in flames like the Gamecocks. He should have stayed in the baskeball stadium. Oh wait, they suck too.

Maybe Okra will go off and die like Steve Spurrier is slowly doing.

One other thing. I thought Spurrier was the Anti-Christ because of his 6-6-6 combination (6th in the country to 6-6 record with no bowl), but it really actually may be Obama or Okra. Or possibly the love child that Obama will have for Okra. Hmmm….

6. Peabody - December 11, 2007

I’d bet Obama knocks that out. Oooooooh yeah.

7. What? - December 11, 2007

This is funny I don’t care who you are.

8. Darrell Jenkins - December 11, 2007

Her favorite movie is probably Black Snake Moan.

9. FITSNews - December 11, 2007


Black Snake Moan is an awesome flic – the undisputed masterpiece of Christina Ricci’s career up to this point.


10. Wow - December 11, 2007

KP’s gone–her morning traffic updates really got my day going. She’s off the website. Red Sydney Cummins is new, but far from an adequate replacement.

11. What? - December 11, 2007

Sic likes girls in power suits.

12. Darrell Jenkins - December 11, 2007

Sic Willie is one messed up mofo. He probably thinks 2girls1cup.com is a great movie as well.

13. schotline - December 11, 2007

And people still don’t believe in God???

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