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How Real Is The Demand For School Choice? February 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.
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School Choice State House Steps

WELL, IT’S MORE THAN JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE SHOW UP AT A RALLY

FITSNews – February 28, 2007 – Charleston Post & Courier reporter-babe Diette Courrege has an excellent story in this morning’s paper highlighting how real the demand for school choice is in South Carolina. In telling the story of parents Bill and Dorothy Netherland, Courrege writes:

The only comfort (Bill) found was knowing that he wouldn’t settle when it came to his daughter’s education. She was going to attend a good school, even if it meant taking out a loan or getting a second mortgage on his house. He even would consider moving to a different part of the county if he wasn’t satisfied with her school options.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up. If public schools have gotten to the point people are willing to take out second mortgages and move to find a better educational setting, you’d think the state could help parents like Bill and Dorothy out a little bit.

Representative Admits He Didn’t Solve Kennedy Assassination February 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Uncategorized.
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Murrell Kennedy

REP. MURRELL SMITH FINALLY ADMITS BAD PIZZA LED TO HALLUCINATION DURING MOVIE RENTAL

FITSNews – February 28, 2007 – Nearly three months after garnering international headlines for claiming to have solved the Kennedy assassination, S.C. Rep. Murrell Smith is now admitting that he ate some bad pizza and halluncinated the entire thing during a movie rental of Oliver Stone’s JFK.

“I apologize for the pain, suffering and embarrassment this has caused the Kennedy family,” Smith said in a statement. “If it makes them feel better I really did dream that I was Kevin Costner, though.”

“Try John Candy,” said State Rep. Alan Clemmons, who is frequently the butt of Smith’s humor. “He meant to say he dreamt he was John Candy.”

WTF, Pelosi? February 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in US Politics.
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William Jefferson

WE USUALLY RIP REPUBLICANS FOR POLITICAL OPPORTUNISM, BUT WHAT’S IN THIS FREEZER STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN

FITSNews – February 28, 2007 – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who campaigned on ethics and all that stuff, is now putting a guy on the Homeland Security Committee who is currently under federal investigation. From the article:

Jefferson is entangled in a federal bribery investigation related to his dealings with a telecommunications company. Federal investigators found $90,000 in cash in his freezer in 2005 after Jefferson allegedly accepted a $100,000 bribe from an FBI informant. Despite the investigation, Jefferson was re-elected to a ninth term to his New Orleans’ seat in a run-off election in December.

Hmmm … let’s see what’s in the FITSNews’ freezer. Some steaks, a couple TV dinners, the head of Enigo Montoya … wait a minute … this guy got re-elected??? Guess they saw “William Jefferson” and just assumed the “Clinton” got left off the ballot by mistake.

O-Bono? February 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.
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Bono

IRISH ROCKER MEETS WITH BARACK OBAMA

FITSNews – February 28, 2007 – The Chicago Tribune‘s D.C.-based political blog The Swamp is reporting that Illinois Senator “Barackarama” met yesterday with Bono, the lead singer of rock band U2 and noted global activist. From the article:

Ben LaBolt, a spokesman for Obama, said the two met for about a half hour in the senator’s personal office to discuss the ONE Campaign, a non-profit organization that the Irish rock star helped form to combat AIDS and global poverty.

“Bono was making rounds on the Hill to build support for the ONE campaign. He particularly wanted to meet with Senator Obama since he’s a member of the Foreign Relations Committee – and has been active on international poverty and global health issues,” LaBolt said.

Bono is just a straight up pimp. “Making rounds on the Hill,” yo. That’s kind of like what we do when we are up in D.C. advocating for Sweater Monkey liberation, except we usually end up talking in the personal office of the Senate custodial assistant.

Trouble Looming On Grey’s Anatomy Set February 28, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Pop Culture, Satire.
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Kate Walsh

GREY MAY FINALLY HAVE McDREAMY, BUT KATE WALSH IS THE ONE GETTING A SPINOFF SHOW

FITSNews – February 28, 2007 – We were already in a bad mood this morning (Young’s #627 has discontinued its free honeybun w/ purchase of large coffee promotion) but this report from TMZ has us “ledging it” big time. And if you have forgotten what “legding it” means, time to brush up on your new slang.

Anyway, according to the report actress Kate Walsh (not our girl Ellen Pompeo) is currently being considered for the lead role in a new Grey’s Anatomy spinoff. Also, actress Katherine Heigl (who plays “Izzie”) has broken off contract talks with the show’s producers. What does it all mean? We asked FITSNews’ official Grey’s Anatomy expert, S.C. Rep. Bill Sandifer.

“Listen, it took two seasons for Meredith to get with McDreamy and now you want to tell me Dr. Addison is going to get the spinoff show?” Sandifer said. “Oooh noooo, I don’t think so.”

“Primal Code For Brand Romney” February 27, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.
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Coneheads

HATIN’ ON PEOPLE FROM FRANCE APPARENTLY ATOP PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE’S TO-DO LIST

FITSNews – February 27, 2007 – In case you missed reporter Scott Helman‘s story on the leaked strategy memo from former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney‘s campaign, one of the unexpected recommendations the memo made is a little something we’re calling The French Disconnection.

Yup, hatin’ on people from France – possibly including Coneheads – is apparently a big part of something known as “Primal Code for Brand Romney.”

Maybe it’s just us, but “Primal Code for Brand Romney” sounds more than a little scary, like some kind of mutant DNA all of us are going to get infected with before this campaign is over. Speaking of which, Flipper’s South Carolina TV commercials are running like crazy. In fact, we saw one this evening at Publick House. Shortly before putting a chair through the television.

FITSNews’ Top 21 Albums Of The Nineties February 27, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Pop Culture.
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Outkast

OUTKAST LANDS AT NO. 8 WITH AQUEMENI

FITSNews – February 27, 2007 – Your I-Pod can thank us later.

Forget Rolling Stone. Forget Spin. Forget Billboard. All you need to rock out to the best music from the ’90s is a pencil and a piece of paper.

Ready? (more…)

Gore Neglects To Mention Sanford In Oscar Speech February 27, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in US Politics.
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algore

FORMER VEEP INSISTS HE WASN’T TRYING TO EMBARASS “GREATEST ENVIRONMENTAL LEADER OF ALL TIME”

FITSNews – February 27, 2007 – In what some are calling a slap in the face to the greatest environmental leader of all time, former Vice President Al Gore neglected to mention S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford in accepting his Oscar award Sunday night for the documentary film “An Inconvenient Truth.”

“We were shocked and chagrined,” said Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer, who in other environmental news has reportedly taken up smoking again. “Obviously the former Vice President did not see the governor’s global warming op-ed in the Washington Post and is not hip to the steps we are taking in South Carolina to eradicate this problem for all the children of the planet.”

Sawyer then began a rousing rendition of the 1985 hit “We Are The World,” and was even joined for one verse by First Lady Jenny Sanford, who sang the song’s Cyndi Lauper parts.

Romney Staff Purchases New Computers February 26, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries, Satire.
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Fisher Price Computers

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE’S SOUTH CAROLINA STAFF PURCHASES TWENTY FISHER PRICE BABY SMARTRONICS SYSTEMS

FITSNews – February 26, 2007 – After observing dramatically enhanced productivity from South Carolina Campaign Manager Terry Sullivan, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney has ordered Fisher Price Baby Smartronics computer systems for all of his South Carolina staffers.

“We’ve been amazed at the progress Terry’s shown and wanted to duplicate that,” Romney said. “We may even get our South Carolina team some Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go! toys if they keep showing this kind of shape and color recognition!”

In case you’re wondering where all of this is coming from, Team McCain’s South Carolina campaign manager Trey Walker had a funny quote about Fisher Price computers in an otherwise uneventful State Newspaper article this morning. In fact, we fell asleep reading the article and somebody had to call us and tell us there was actually something cool in it. And of course that someone was from John McCain’s campaign because everybody knows he’s paying us … or is it Giuliani … or maybe Al Sharpton. Wait that was 2004.

Another Damn Task Force? February 26, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.
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Sanford Bar Graphs

S.C. GOVERNOR NOT HAPPY UNLESS HE’S STUDYING SOMETHING

FITSNews – February 26, 2007 – S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford may have booted us from his media e-mail list, but we still get all of his news releases and media advisories anyway.

How, you may ask? It’s a little something called extra-sensory perception, or “ESP” to the layperson.

How else, pray tell, could we have known that the governor just signed Executive Order 2007-06 creating the “Government Efficiency and Accountability Review Committee” this morning? We couldn’t have. Of course it didn’t take the Mothman Prophecies to figure out it was about time for another Sanford task force. If you look busy, you are busy, people.