jump to navigation

Those Ron Paul Crazies Are At It Again October 31, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries, Satire.



FITSNews – October 31, 2007 – It goes without saying that we’re all about lower taxes, less government and more individual liberty here at FITSNews

Yet for some reason, we just haven’t been able to wrap our brains around the whole Ron Paul Revo-libertarian-ution, although it is true that our founding editor Sic Willie briefly flirted with the notion of voting for the Texas Congressman after discovering that he had a volunteer stripper supporting him. (Editor’s note: Alright, he briefly flirted with the stripper herself, not the notion of voting for anybody).

All kidding aside, though, what’s our problem with Ron Paul? Aside from the fact that we really, REALLY don’t trust people with two first names, we’re quite simply convinced that his supporters are a bunch of stark, raving lunatics. And we’re not sure Dr. Paul’s elevator goes all the way to the top, either.

Anyway, for a candidate espousing such hardcore libertarian views, we thought it was rather odd that a massive Ron Paul spam wave went out shortly after the last Republican presidential debate, sending millions of unsolicited e-mails through what Wired magazine called a “world-wide network of hijacked computers” utilizing “common methods to defeat spam filters.”

Paul’s campaign didn’t have anything to do with the e-mail blasts, obviously, but when your core demographic is a loose coalition of Emos, White Priders, Pot Smokers and Star Trek Convention rejects, it’s hard to blame it on anybody else’s “overzealous supporters.” Seriously, people. These cats take the phrase “drinking the kool-aid” to a whole new level.

The scary thing is that Ron Paul really could win. And we’re not saying that because we really think it, or because we’re high or drunk right now.

We’re saying that because super-secret sources close to a super-secret splinter cell of Ron Paul volunteers are telling FITSNews that they’ve actually harnessed the technology needed to “beam” Ron Paul supporters directly to the polls on election day … while simultaneously assimilating anyone voting for another Republican candidate and vaporizing anyone who dares to vote Democratic.

“Ummmmmm bideee bideee bideee bideee,” droned one member of the group, who Vulcan mind-melded with FITSNews on the condition of anonymity. “You will be assimilated. Ummmm bideee bideee bideee bideee.”



1. Believe It Not - October 31, 2007

Are we noticing a more kind and gentle trend in sic(k) willie’s posts?

He seems to spend more time lately bashing the political dark horses on the National front. “Ron Paul” ??? Who? Why??

willie seems to have backed off on the gover-nator and his pigs. He seems to have fer-got about the Midland’s elected official he once claimed has a “Strom Problem.” He seems to have fer-got about the gub-nor’s ‘puter. He seems to have fer-got about the parents of the “little black girl” he once suggested the gub-ner settled with.

Wow. A kinder and gentler willie. Who knows who pays him now.

2. Tara - October 31, 2007

Ron Paul Campaign Under Cyber Attack

There has been a recent flurry of news articles that have made the conjecture that the Ron Paul campaign or his supporters are in possession of a botnet and are using it to generate spam emails for the candidate. I have been in the business of computer technology for a long time and have good friends in the IT security business and we have discussed this at length. Cui-bono (who benefits)

I find it far more likely that this botnet spam attack is not the design of the Paul campaign or any of its supporters. It is far more likely that this is the release of a first round of direct cyber attack against the Ron Paul campaign. I base this opinion on the fact that the attack is becoming clearly targeted at the youtube videos of Ron Paul. Youtube links to his videos are beginning to be inserted into the the body of these spam message and as a direct result the video’s are being pulled by youtube for violation of their terms of use policy.

This attack method can do far more harm than good for the Ron Paul campaign so I will make a guess that this is the work of those in the NSA using cyber war tactics out of loyalty or possibly under orders to use this stealth attack method to derail the Ron Paul campaign by using the campaign’s online strength against them.

I expect that after these attackers have used this method to remove the best google and youtube videos touting the Ron Paul campaign, that the attack method will change and will then go after other key components of the campaign’s online strength such as the Web 2.0 communities. These utilities will likely be spammed and the organizations using the applications will be banned from their use.

This is nefarious and demonstrates the kind of tactics that the establishment could use to serve their interest in stopping the advance of Ron Paul and the Revolution for freedom that he is leading as well as his Presidential bid. I can only hope that the Ron Paul online army has some equally talented cyber warriors that can help stop this attack before it is ramped up even further.


3. FZappa - November 1, 2007

“And we’re not sure Dr. Paul’s elevator goes all the way to the top, either.”

Yes, Ron Paul is fucking INSANE! He’s been married to the same woman for 50 years, put himself through college and Duke med school working odd jobs, served 5 years in the Air Force, delivered over 4,000 babies during his medical career, fathered 5 children (three of whom became doctors), has taken excellent care of himself through exercise and diet, has served 10 terms in Congress, and has written several books on Austrian economics and foreign policy, one of which, “A Foreign Policy of Freedom,” is now in the top 200 books on Amazon.


4. truthseeker - November 1, 2007

Ron Paul does not just attract the crazy folks anymore. His anti-empire building theme, his belief that printing money out of thin air is a recipe for disaster, and his voting record as a REAL fiscal conservative give him one of the purest messages this voting season. He doesn’t dance around questions, and he tells the truth – which are qualities that make it tough to get elected – but he is going to be fun to watch these next 2 or 3 months.

5. Hmmm... - November 1, 2007

I can almost hear the RP people on election day:

“I drove all the way from Tennessee. What do you mean I can’t vote here?!”


“What do you mean I can only vote ONCE?! They let me vote as many times as I wanted on that Internet thingie!”

6. Henry - November 1, 2007

Nice example of a fallacy of composition…funny though.

7. Ron Paul supporters come from the magical land of Spamalot » The Palmetto Scoop - November 1, 2007

[…] FITSNews’ Sic Willie noted, “For a candidate espousing such hardcore libertarian views, we thought it was rather odd […]

8. anon. - November 1, 2007

Believe it not is a huge pussy and only contributes to the validity of Will.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: