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(Fart) Knock-Knocking On Heaven’s Door … September 24, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Sports.

cole bobblehead1


FITSNews – September 24, 2007 – With just one week left to go in the Great Santini League fantasy baseball World Series, Sic Willie’s upstart FITS Fartknockers are giving the top-seeded “Croon Crew” all they can handle in the battle for the most coveted trophy in all of sports.

After two weeks of play, Sic Willie‘s squad holds a narrow 4-3-1 lead over the Crooners, enjoying commanding leads in the batting average and RBI categories and narrow leads in both home runs and stolen bases.

Veteran sports reporter Jill Arrington was granted an exclusive interview with the controversial Fartknockers’ owner and Interim Santini League Commissioner earlier today. Here are some excerpts from their conversation …

Jill Arrington: Sic, your team wasn’t even supposed to make the playoffs this year and yet you’re now just one week away from claiming the franchise’s first-ever Santini League title. How did you pull it off?

Sic Willie: Uhh … Jill, are you playing footsie with me under the table?

JA: (Blushing) Oh … sorry.

SW: Let’s try and keep this professional, please. Look, to answer your question, we got some great pitching in April and May that allowed us to weather a difficult mid-season slump. Then we made the trades we had to make for the stretch run, stayed relatively healthy and our bats got hot late in the season when it was all on the line.

JA: You were named Interim Commissioner midway through the season. Has it been difficult to manage those responsibilities while at the same time guiding your team into the playoffs?

SW: Not really. There have been some tense moments, sure, but that’s to be expected in a league as competitive as this one. I’ve just tried to make decisions that preserve the integrity of the game and I’ve relied heavily on the wisdom of my fellow owners to do that.

JA: You defeated a talented Notorious team in the first round of the playoffs with stellar pitching, but it seems like your key to success in the championship series has been your offense. Does that suprise you?

SW: We knew that to win the championship we were going to have to beat the two best teams in the league. We were fortunate to beat Notorious, and I don’t have any illusions about the Herculean effort it’s going to take to hang on and beat the Crooners. We’ve got to hold our leads on offense and take one of the pitching categories, which is going to be tough the way those guys are throwing darts out there. Plus, all the Crooners have to do is tie us 4-4 to win the title given their first-place finish in the regular season. We can’t afford to drop a single category or it’s over.

JA: You and I first met before the USC-Georgia football game in 2004 and I have to admit, I’ve had a major crush on you ever since. What is it about you that drives us girls so crazy?

SW: I think it all goes back to Johnson’s Baby Powder and Cool Water cologne.

JA: Mmmmm.

SW: Sorry, Jill. I’m all done with blondes.

JA: I’m not blonde! Look at my roots! (Sighs) Well, good luck the rest of the week and congrats on an amazing season.

SW: Thanks, Jill.



1. Mr. Business - September 25, 2007

Looks like Cole is preparing to throw a curve.

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