Reelect Regardless? September 10, 2007Posted by fitsnews in Satire, SC Politics.
LINDSEY GRAHAM IN TROUBLE IN NEW GOP POLL
FITSNews – September 10, 2007 – This article has nothing to do with teenage something or other Vanessa Hudgens (above), but if we had posted another boring ass picture of Lindsey Graham our computer probably would have gone on strike for the rest of the day. Damn you, collective bargaining. Anyway, according to poll results published in this morning’s Greenville News, South Carolina’s senior U.S. Senator is not exactly the most popular guy in the world right now with GOP primary voters.
Thirty-six percent of S.C. Republicans said they would reelect Graham regardless of who runs against him, while 24% said they would vote for somebody else no matter what. The majority of respondents remained uncommitted. Graham’s strategist, Richard Quinn, insists the numbers bode well for his client, but what else is he going to say? Lindsey could probably get high on methamphetamines, hijack an 18-wheeler with his gay lover and run over a basket of adorable kittens on live TV and Quinn would probably still find some way to spin it in his client’s favor – like telling us that al-Queda was actively recruiting kittens or something.
In other, more important polling data, 100% of female respondents to a recent FITSNews‘ survey said that Sic Willie was a “damn sexy beast” and that they would vote to re-sleep with him regardless of who their other options were. Additionally, 100% of male respondents said they had no problem with taxpayers funding a parade in honor of Sic Willie’s virility, even if it cost eleventy kabillion dollars. Thanks for the love, South Carolina.