Why We Kick All The Other Blogs’ Asses July 11, 2007Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics.
IT’S NOT BECAUSE WE PUFF OUR CHESTS OUT, PEOPLE
FITSNews – July 11, 2007 – So some hotshot national reporter just called our founding editor Sic Willie and asked him why FITSNews so thoroughly kicks all the other blogs’ asses in South Carolina. Alright, alright … that wasn’t the actual question. But that’s what it sounded like to us. Fa real.
Anyway, they’re apparently doing a story on the South Carolina blogosphere and which websites the all-powerful State Legislature, the not-so-all-powerful Governor’s Office and the various S.C.-based 2008 campaign virgins enjoy reading.
It’s a “national story” (editor’s note: “right”) and as much as we like to hear ourselves talk, we decided to take a pass on this one. Well, let’s be honest – we were miraculously able to slap the duct tape over Sic Willie’s mouth before he started, um, “commenting.”
Our logic in refusing this request was simple … why give the good stuff away to some Beltway insider when we can tell you right here, right now about the many reasons we so effortlessly kick all the other blogs’ asses in South Carolina?
Let’s start with the most obvious reason – our humility. For example, there was that time we were set to receive the Nobel Prize for inventing dwarf wheat and at the last minute decided instead to
get drunk let a Mexican farmer accept the honor on our behalf. His name was Santos, and it was incredibly touching. Also, we never fail to kneel in prayer and give the football to an offensive lineman after scoring one of our NFL career-leading rushing touchdowns … no Ocho Cinco showboating here, people.
Second, we’re funny. You know, like the blog “Barbecue & Politics” used to be funny until its author started experiencing four-hour erections every time somebody mentioned the name “Howie Rich.” Read the Viagra bottle BBQ, you’re really supposed to contact a doctor when that happens.
Third, there honestly ain’t much in the way of competition. The Palmetto Scoop gives us all the political hatchetry we can handle (unless it reflects poorly on John McCain, of course) and the Daily Turd dishes indistinguishable dirt on everybody under the sun except for its candidate of choice, the flippery Mitt Romney. At least the Turd offers its readers risque links into the thrill-a-minute lifestyle of superstud real estate mogul Franklin Jones, who is bringin’ sexyback all by himself, West Columbia, S.C.-style.
So you see, it’s not that we’re really all that good … it’s just that everybody else sucks. Pretty bad, actually.
Oh, and all those pictures of hot chicks may have something to do with it …