jump to navigation

Leave Mitt Romney Alone, Police Say June 21, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.

dolphin harassment


FITSNews – June 21, 2007 – We may have to start laying off former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt “Flipper” Romney here at FITSNews in the wake of two arrests made yesterday along the Kent Coast of England. The crime? Dolphin harassment. According to reports, two men in their twenties were arrested for being cruel to “Dave the Dolphin,” who is apparently something of a local celebrity along the Kent Coast.

“Dolphins are well-loved and friendly towards humans. They are protected by law and should be treated with respect,” inspector Gavin Roy said of the arrests.

Great. Now there’s going to be an international crackdown on dolphin harassment. Seriously, the only way this week could get any sh*ttier would be if we found out we were pregnant. And Sic Willie was our babies’ daddy. And all our babies were on crack – for which they would almost certainly be indicted two years later. Worst week ever? Yes, friends. This is the worst week ever. Our current plan for the duration of the week consists of weeping uncontrollably and gnashing our teeth while we await the coming plagues of frogs, locusts, gnats, boils, the South Carolina state budget, flies, hail, darkness, the death of all our livestock and the Congaree River turning to blood. We may also write a few Hallmark cards and volunteer at the suicide prevention hotline.



1. Janet - June 21, 2007

Hope the week gets better…for you AND Ravenel. 🙂

2. soothsayer - June 21, 2007

Beware fair Caesar, the ides of March are falling…the ides of March are falling.

3. Crooner - June 21, 2007

Hey, at least you’re back in first place.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: