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When Did Maverick Get So Crazy? April 9, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in Pop Culture.
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tom cruise maverick

CRUISE TAKING GROUND ZERO RESCUE WORKERS ON HIGHWAY TO THE (MENTAL) DANGER ZONE

FITSNews – April 9, 2007 – You know, there used to be a time when the idea of Tom Cruise using scientology to cure 9/11 rescue workers might have seemed a little bit strange to us. Of course that was before Cruise went completely bat sh*t crazy. Now the revelation that the former fictitious flyboy is prescribing scientology remedies for Ground Zero victims is pretty much par for the course. As US Magazine reports:

The regimen includes high doses of niacin to release fatty acids into the bloodstream, ingesting cold-pressed oil and sweating off “toxins” in a sauna … “Patients have had black paste coming out of their pores in the sauna,” Jim Woodworth, president of New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project, says on the organization’s Web site. “Their sweat has stained towels purple, blue, orange, yellow and black. They have reported bowel movements that are blue, or green, or that have smelled like smoke — despite the fact that they had not been at a fire scene for months.”

You know our sweat has stained towels purple, blue, orange and yellow before. But that was only while we were filming our famous Gatorade “Is It In You?” commercials. Normally it doesn’t do that. As for the other, well, Tom asked us for a stool sample but we told him “Negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full.” The less crazy people snooping through our poo, the better.

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Comments»

1. Henry - April 9, 2007

Great stuff. I esp. like the bit about bowel movement smelling like smoke “despite the fact that they had not been at a fire scene for months.” I had no idea one’s physical location affected the smell of one’s fecal material. This is amazing. I wonder what mine smells like — Starbucks?

2. Is Romney Flipping For Scientology? « FITSNews For Now - May 1, 2007

[…] FITSNews – May 1, 2007 – Forget War & Peace, Oliver Twist, The Count of Monte Cristo, Don Quixote, The Great Gatsy or our personal favorite, Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz A Bear – Mitt Romney would rather read Battlefield Earth by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. The former Massachusetts governor and presidential candidate said so himself on TV the other day, presumably right before being “beamed” back up to the mothership with Tom Cruise. […]


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