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Sic Willie Joins SC Hotline Ownership Team March 18, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in SC Politics, The Press.
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Bull Durham

“DON’T THINK, IT CAN ONLY HURT THE BALL CLUB”

FITSNews – March 18, 2007 – In the latest sign that the ownership of SCHotline is completely off its rocker, our very own Sic Willie will be named co-owner of the popular political website as early as tomorrow morning, a source who is also Sic Willie tells FITSNews.

“Unbelievable. This guy lollygags his way around the State House, he lollygags his way around the nation’s capital, he lollygags his way through every day of his life,” said Durham Bulls’ manager Joe Riggins. “What does that make Sic Willie? Larry!”

“A Lollygagger,” answered Bulls’ assistant manager Larry Hockett.

“A Lollygagger,” Riggins declared.

“What the hell do they know?” Sic Willie countered. “I’m the one driving a Porsche with the quadrophonic Blaupunkt.”

Sic Willie’s former employer, S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford, agreed with Riggins and Hockett’s assessment.

“His shower shoes have fungus on them,” Sanford said. “He’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on his shower shoes. Ya think classy, you’ll be classy. He wins twenty in the show, he can let the fungus grow back on his shoes, and the press’ll call him “colorful”. Until he wins twenty in the show, however, it just means he’s a slob.”

S.C. Speaker of the House Bobby Harrell also said Sic Willie wasn’t ready for prime time.

“He doesn’t respect himself, and that’s his problem,” Harrell said. “But he doesn’t respect the game, and that’s my problem.”

If you’ve never seen the movie Bull Durham, chances are none of this is even remotely funny to you. Of course if you’ve never seen Bull Durham, chances are you’re a completely un-American, communist sympathizing piece of filth who doesn’t deserve to live.

Seriously, rent it tonight. Join the ranks of the enlightened.

And remember, Hit Bull Win Steak.

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Comments»

1. E - March 18, 2007

Well, Well, Well……….The most interesting and entertaining post thus far on the new FITSNews. Just remember to breath through the correct eyelid and that the rose goes in the front, big guy.

2. Don Johnson - March 19, 2007

Crash was right. I ALSO BELIEVE there should be a constitutional amendment banning Astroturf and the designated hitter.

Both of those are Un-American. You should play baseball outside. In the daytime. On grass. And the fans should be required to drink a beer and eat a hot dog.

3. Newspaper Hack - March 19, 2007

I was totally against the designated hitter, as I was a lukewarm Cubs fan and full-on National League guy. Then my mom got remarried to a Red Sox fan and *thwack*, I switched positions faster than Mitt Romney.

If you’ve every played a baseball video game with an AL team like the Sox in one of those awful interleague games, you grow to love the DH. There’s nothing worse than watching Tim Wakefield try to hit.

I think it’s time to pop the DVD in tonight, fire up MLB 2K6 (haven’t gotten the new one yet) and toast the coming season.

On another sports note, a toast to Renaldo Balkman in for his SportsCenter facetime with the Knicks. Both Dave Odom and Andrew Sorenson went to the NCAA to appeal so that Balkman could play in ’03-’04, and thank God for that.

Rey Rey for President.

4. Sic Willie Gets Fired « FITSNews For Now - March 23, 2007

[…] – March 23, 2007 – Less than a week after soaring to upper echelons of power at the SC Hotline, our very own Sic Willie was unceremoniously jettisoned today via a press release […]


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