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WTF? That Crazy Flippin’ Dolphin Didn’t Win? March 2, 2007

Posted by fitsnews in 2008 Presidential Primaries.

Flipper Flying


FITSNews – March 2, 2007 – We haven’t been this surprised by something since that little kid told Bruce Willis “I see dead people” and Bruce Willis didn’t believe him. Poor kid.

Anyway, the fix we thought was in for last night’s Spartanburg GOP Presidential Straw Poll apparently uh, wasn’t in. So yes, it turns out we were w … w … wr … wr … wro … wro … wron … wron … misinformed. Yeah, misinformed was the word we were looking for, because that makes it look like it was somebody else’s fault. Which of course it had to be because let’s face it, the only thing that’s “our fault” is how attractive and likeable we are. And modest.

Anyway, speaking of “seeing dead people,” Mitt Romney‘s campaign pretty much got kicked in the balls in Spartanburg last night. And on top of that, blowhard Spartanburg GOP Chairman Rick Beltram (a.k.a. Mr. Sweaty Potato Head) somehow managed to turn a simple straw poll into what it probably would have looked like if retarded people had managed the 2000 Florida recount.

“Rick Beltram was so busy stroking his own ego he forgot he had a job to do,” one veteran GOP consultant told FITSNews.

“It was a total clusterf*ck,” another said. “It got to the point you were embarrassed for him.”

Oh! It turns out there actually were some results. Hizzoner Rudy Giuliani appears to have won the thing, followed by Duncan Hunter (who?), John McCain, Sam Brownback (who?) and Flipper Romney. Also, it appears Sic Willie‘s right nut is just ahead of his left nut in the hotly-contestacled battle for sixth place. Or is it his right nut that’s ahead of his left?

Anyway, those are the results we have from 81 of 92 precincts, which is when Beltram’s team of MIT scientists counters decided to officially pack it in for the night. You know, shortly after they blamed “the weather” for the slow counting. Which is kind of like blaming the weather for the fact they’re not that smart. Or in Rick Beltram’s case, blaming the weather for having a head that looks like a children’s toy.

Honest to God, every national reporter or politico that got lured down for this goat show is on the phone right now with somebody back home saying “you wouldn’t believe how stupid these people are.”



1. Earl - March 2, 2007

A few weeks ago, he was arrogantly bragging over on Sunny’s blog that he would easily reach 2,000. Now, he’s telling the media ” he expected fewer than 2,000 people to vote”.

Interesting … what a blowhard.

2. Minto McGill - March 2, 2007

MItt Romney should pull out of SC Primary. He has absolutely no chance here. Even if he hadn’t changed his position 180 degrees on every hot-button social issue in the last 24 months, he couldn’t win. Simply, SC Republicans are not voting for a Mormon. Sorry. Its not fair, Its not right. But, that’s reality. But, the fact IS that Romney HAS changed his position 180 degrees on every hot-button social issue in the last 24 months, And for that, he can expect to have it absolutely handed to him. He’s better off dropping out of SC and trying to sell his snake oil somewhere else.

3. Politics Rocks - March 2, 2007

W – check out the blog I wrote a couple of days ago on Mitt Romney’s fate

With Guiliani winning so big last night, makes you wonder if the “christian right” here in the upstate really do care about the social issues?

4. HAM - March 2, 2007

Well, think about it…McCain has been sketchy on the social issues…Romney has been sketchy on the social issues…Brownback has been anything but sketchy…but again, how much name recognition does he have here? So, Hizzoner is good on non-social issues and is NOT sketchy about where he stands. I think the whole honesty thing may be more important to the “christian right” at this point …

5. We Don’t Count So Good Down Here « FITSNews For Now - March 2, 2007

[…] Spartanburg GOP Chairman Rick “Einstein” Beltram to members of the media regarding the County Clusterf*ck Straw Poll everyone thought that Rudy Giuliani won last […]

6. Minto McGill - March 2, 2007

McCain won but they “suspended” the vote counting at press time with Giuliani leading!!!! I’ve seen and heard a lot don’t ever want to hear SC Republicans whine about crooked Democratic politics in Dillon, Marlboro and Marion counties ever again. Not sure there is a Democratic “ward healer” anywhere in the state who can hold a candle to Rick Beltram!

7. Woodruff Globe Trotters - March 2, 2007

Yes, we dribbled Bobblehead Beltram better than Curley or Meadowlark. What a jerk Beltram is and those poor souls that actually view him as a leader. Great MIT metaphor.

Bottom line: Beltram should resign before he gets dunked and seriously hurts the party.

8. "E.T." Plans Romney Endorsement « FITSNews For Now - March 19, 2007

[…] – E.T., the “Extra Terrestrial,” is planning on endorsing former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney for president, perhaps as soon as tomorrow, sources tell […]

9. Romney: Sanford Solid Veep Prospect « FITSNews For Now - March 29, 2007

[…] – March 29, 2007 – Flip-flopper extraordinaire Mitt Romney apparently thinks S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford and Senator Jim DeMint would make good vice presidents. At […]

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